Review: Temple Run

RUN FORREST, RUN!!!!  Run like your balls are on fire and the nearest water is a mile away.

Every time I go for another round on this game, it reminds me of an inappropriate, 2-part joke I learned as a kid:

Q: What’s the fastest animal on earth?
A: The Ethiopian Chicken.

Q: Who’s the fastest human on earth?
A: The Ethiopian Chicken Chaser.

In this game, you are the Ethiopian Chicken running from a pack of starving Ethiopian Chicken Chasers (a.k.a. Evil Demon Monkeys)

Temple Run, created by IMANGI STUDIOS, is a very addictive game. The overall concept is that you have stolen the Golden Idol from the temple, and the evil demon monkeys that protect it are relentlessly chasing you to get it back. The game involves the tilt sensors of your device to move you from side to side on the paths, and the swipe of your finger to power slide, jump, turn left and turn right. But it is far from simple. The further the evil demon monkeys chase you, the faster you have to run. Eventually you are running so fast your heart is racing as you struggle to get your finger to react fast enough to the obstacles in your path. Those with awesome hand-eye coordination, you will do great in this game. For those that panic when playing fast paced games like myself, you will be frustrated with yourself, yet love every moment of it.

The game starts off with you haulin’ butt out of the mouth of the temple. You can almost hear the character screaming “MOMMAAAA!!!!!!!” (not really). The golden idol you stole is in your side pouch, and a pack of evil demon monkeys are on your heals as you stay just a few steps ahead of them.

While you are running down the various paths, you are collecting gold coins. Its like Sonic the Hedgehog on crack. The coins are used to purchase things in the Store. Such as upgrades of certain items and if you collect enough coins, you can unlock different players that you can choose as your “runner.” Of course, if you do not want to wait to collect the coins via the game, there are options to “buy” coins with real money. Not necessary for those that get hooked on the game as you will find yourself collecting plenty of coins, quickly enough.

The further you run, the faster you run. As if it is not hard enough to turn left or right when the path changes directions, you have obstacles up the wazoo to worry about. Some of which are large tree roots to leap over or slide under, that if you don’t, you die just from the impact of hitting the tree. When you die, there is a “review screen” showing how you did and at the top is a picture of you hitting the tree with the words “Tree Hugger” under it. Always some sort of humorous quote to follow the method in which you died in the game. There are also little roots on the path that often go unnoticed, which trip you and slow you down just enough for the evil demon monkeys to grab you and butt-rape you until you slice your own throat to end the misery. Well…..maybe not. I’m just assuming that’s what happens. You do not actually witness the brutality of their attack. All I know is, you got to RUN!!!!!!

Temple Run has been running smoothly on my tablet with no issues so far. Tends to lag at the worst possible moments when I play on my DroidX (v.1) phone though. There is plenty of screen visibility to be successful if you can manage to get your finger and brain to work together. Which I cannot seem to do once I go beyond 2000 meters. The graphics are good, not fantastic, but good. Especially your “runner”. Excellent job on those graphics and how perfect the running motion is. As for the evil demon monkeys, they could use a little more artistic love. Their hands look like wispy crow feathers, and they appear to be closer to a gorilla than a monkey (ie. no tail). Bit lame. But if all goes well, you do not see them that often, other than the start of each round.

Controls for the game are simple, and you can swipe anywhere to control the player. The PAUSE button could have been placed in a better spot though. I’m right handed, and the way I grip my tablet, my thumb has to reach over the Pause button to make the swiping motions for my runner. Would be a little more comfortable if it were elsewhere. Maybe raise it a little higher and not so wide. This is my only legitimate complaint about the game. Everything else is well thought out.

For those that like fast paced games, this game is for you. For those with a weak heart, I’d stay away from this game. If you get into it at all, you will definitely notice your heart rate increasing.

Final Rating: 8/10

CBR Break Down:
Console Played On: Android Tablet (ASUS Eee Pad Transformer) & Android Phone (DroidX)
Available On: Google Play and  iOS App Store
Time to completion: Still playing.  Finger and brain aren’t working together very well.
Gamer Score Earned: 122,580 points & 2260 meters
Price Bought at: FREE
Current Price: FREE on Google Play and iTunes
Recommend Purchase Price: FREE
Why you should download it: Love fast paced games.
Why you shouldn’t download it:  Poor hand-eye coordination.  Family vulnerability to heart-attacks

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About Brian Mortimer

Hi there. My name is Brian, but my friends call me Morty. I'm 5'-11", a Sagittarius, hung like a dwarf Shetland pony, and enjoy long walks on nude beaches...... Married, have a son, love being a jackass and my sense of humor is a bit twisted. Its that twisted humor that allowed Tristan (creator/owner of this site) and my life to cross paths long before CBR, where he was a dedicated member of my website. But being a father and other items in my life that take priority, my twisted humor website had to come to an end. So now I can still feed my addiction of being on the web and release my severe case of textual diarrehea by being a writer here on CBR. Hold your nose and read my stuff!